When the Unexpected Happens

Life often throws unexpected things into our path and we get to decide how we handle them. We don't always get to choose what we will face, but we do have a choice about what we do next.

This past year has been really rough for me in many ways. Though I separated from my husband and we have both moved on with our own lives, and even though things have been quite unexpectedly adversarial between us, I still care about him and want the best for him. Even though some of his choices have made things harder for me, maybe that's all part of the way it needs to be for me to step more fully into who I am on this journey. But let me be honest here- it has been really rough.

He hasn't been well. Not for a while. I went through my own personal challenges with my own health over the previous months. It seems health issues are a common experience for most people who are going through a separation and divorce. I'm finally feeling almost back to myself, but things have taken an unexpected turn for Ryan.

Long story short, about two weeks ago, Ryan was in cardiac ICU with a severe systemic infection, damage to his heart valves and awaiting open heart surgery. We didn't really know what the outcome would ultimately be, but I definitely found myself in an unexpected place. I couldn't have imagined I would be here in a million years, but here I am. It was heart-wrenching and completely discombobulating. Suddenly everything I thought was a given wasn't. I didn't know what would happen next, but I knew that it was time for me to step up and take good care of my boys in the midst of the uncertainty. I knew I couldn't change what was happening with their father, but I could be there for them. I could make sure that their needs were met, that there was room for their feelings, and that they were surrounded by lots of people who love them.

As I was wandering around my kitchen trying to get breakfast at 4pm a few days ago, my head spinning with so many unknowns and unanswered questions, I remembered that I taught a series entitled When the Unexpected Happens a couple of summers ago. In it, I talked about the importance of meeting our own needs and taking care of ourselves when something unexpected happens so that we can take care of and support our children. (In other words, I probably need to eat breakfast before 4pm...)

I needed to listen to it again and I figured that there are probably many of you reading this who probably do, too. So I asked my amazing assistant, Lianne, to put it up on a special page so that you can go in and listen to it for free all weekend beginning Friday, July 12 and ending Sunday, July 14. If you're so moved, there's also an invitation to purchase the whole series at a big discount. It is a gift to you and it will also gift my family to help me put gas in my car and food in my children's bellies during this big transition for us all.

Unexpected things don't have to be in the form of a major health crisis. Losing a job, a birth that becomes traumatic or doesn't go the way you'd planned, a death in the family, separation or divorce, or really any other major life stressor that you didn't anticipate. Have a listen and see what you think.

Visit this page and you can sign up for free listening, and we'll send you a link to the page where you can listen to all the audios. Please share with anyone who might also need this resource.

Update: Ryan had open heart surgery on Wednesday, July 3, 2013 and had his heart valve replaced. While he is recovering well after such a big procedure, there are still lots of unknowns. Thanks for positive thoughts and prayers, if you're so moved. He has a long recovery ahead.

Tantrums... not just for tots (Free call tonight) and NEW I Heart Parenting community

I'm excited. Super excited.

Tonight, I'm hosting a free call about handling tantrums and emotional upsets. And on Wednesday, I'm launching my new I Heart Parenting community!

www.iheartparenting.com

I'm over the moon excited.

I haven't gotten much sleep lately getting this all ready for you. Really, it is a dream I've had for many years that is finally taking form. And the super cool thing is that even I could afford to join this. And recently, money has been incredibly tight for me as a new single mom. (You can read about that here if you missed that story...)

While I've always been somewhat frugal, I had an experience recently that made me feel even more dedicated to getting some resources up that everyone can enjoy and still supports the work that I'm doing. A few months ago, when I couldn't afford to buy toilet paper (I did get it worked out, so don't worry), I didn't go into a place of despair. I knew that this was a very temporary place as I adjusted to being the sole income provider for myself and my boys. But I really began to appreciate every little thing that I did have. When I could put gas in my car, I rejoiced. When I had a little extra money and could do something nice for my boys, I cherished it in a way that's hard to describe.

I began to think even more about all the parents who are scraping by every month, just trying to feed their kids and wanted to do more to offer help. After all, I couldn't afford anything other than the most basic of things and if I needed parenting support, it wasn't going to happen no matter how valuable I felt the information was or how much I valued my relationship with my kids. I've always had lots of free resources on my website and blog. I regularly offer good sales and discounts. But those periodic things aren't enough when you're really struggling. Or even if you just want it to be better than it is.

I made a deal with myself about 7 years back when I was really struggling and someone supported me at no charge. Since then, I'm always trying to find ways to pay it forward.

And this feels really good.

So tonight, I'm hosting a free call about an alternative view of tantrums and emotional upsets. This call isn't just about toddlers. Every day, I hear from parents with toddlers to teens (and yes, many times the parents) who are having emotional outbursts or upsets and aren't sure what to do that feels loving when we just want it to STOP. When it is us, we may beat ourselves up because we should know better or we're sounding just like our parents did with us. When it is our kids, we may resort to bribing them or maybe we just shut them out. How can we find our way into handling these emotionally charged moments the way we want? How can we handle these times in a way that helps our children have fewer of these moments as they grow older? And how can we grow ourselves up if we're still having more of those moments ourselves than we'd like to admit?

This is a huge topic and I've chosen it to launch the very first month of my new intentional community. I'll be sharing information and resources with you and we'll be getting to know each other, to support one another on the journey that sometimes feels really lonely as a conscious parent.

I hope you'll consider joining us to play in this new playground. Let's find some joy together! Let's inspire each other to be the best we can be without judgments as we find our way on our own unique path of parenting consciously. Let's learn together and create a community of support. It does take a village, even if it is virtual.

There's something powerful for me to hear parents from every corner of the globe are all feeling the same way. I want you to see that, too. There is magic in the common ground, how we are all more alike than different, and in watching families move from struggle to deep connection. I want you to have a window into that and learn from each other.

Have a question for me for tonight's call? Please comment below. Excited about the new community? Have ideas to make it a better place? I'd love to have you comment below. Or email me directly. I'll try to get back to you soon.

Hope to hear from you on the call tonight! And I can't wait to meet you in our new parenting playground, I Heart Parenting. You can check it out by following the link. We're still under construction, but we'll be up and running completely on Wednesday, May 1, 2013!

Struggling with Tantrums and Emotional Upsets?

It seems like we're all there at one point or another. I've noticed that it is more likely to occur when I'm least able to handle it.

One of my clients described his daughter falling apart and laying in the middle of the sidewalk like a starfish, sobbing and screaming.

Other clients relay situations where it is a fight to get out the door every morning. Or every time they need to get buckled up. At bath time. Or when their child needs to get dressed. Or when it is time to eat. Or when anything changes, unexpectedly or not.

I hear about these situations so often. It seems that we're all looking for sensitive ways of handling these overwhelming moments with our children. But we're not always sure how to respond with love, especially when it is overwhelming for us. Or when we've been taught that they should just "get over it."

I'm going to be hosting a f.ree call coming up on Monday, April 29 at 8:30pm eastern on this very topic. And the BEST part is that I am going to answer YOUR questions! I need your help, though. I need to know what you are struggling with when it comes to your children's tantrums and emotional upsets.

While I can't offer you a magic wand (as many of you have requested), I can offer you an alternative way of looking at what's happening with your child when things are falling apart.


Please join us for the call by signing up here.

And please submit your questions in the comments below. I'll also be pulling questions from my blog post, An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets from reader's comments there, but I really want to hear from YOU.

This call will be recorded, but it is always best to join us live when you can.