Tuesday, February 26, 2013

True North Parents Radio- Road Blocks

I just wanted to take a moment and express my gratitude for all of you who reached out to me after my last post about my marriage ending. I sincerely appreciate your kind words and your prayers. Many of you expressed concerns about your own relationships, so I'll be looking at this as a future topic to discuss on my blog and in my classes.

My own authentic path has been full of road blocks. Just seriously completely littered with them. And I hear so many moms say they know what they need to do, but something gets in the way. And this is with everything. From what decisions to make about parenting to taking time for yourself, we struggle.

So once you've made the decision to find YOUR true north, what is in between that decision and actually living it? It isn't a straight shot. There is NO magic wand (not yet, anyway, though I've had several clients request I work on creating one). So how do we get through it? What does it look like?

In just a few short hours, Christy Farr, of Seeds and Weeds Coaching, and I will be back on the air to talk about Road Blocks to YOUR authentic path.

This is good stuff.

We've all had those moments when we *know what we need to do. Or we have an insight into something that is going on with our child. Yet, for some reason, we don't act on it. We discount it. We listen to someone else who we think knows more than we do about our own life.

If you're going to live your own authentic path, it is essential to understand how we get stuck. This helps us to figure out how to get unstuck!

The call is live Wednesday, February 27 at 1pm EST. But it is INTERNET radio, which means that you can listen on your computer when it is happening OR you can listen to it later from your computer on the same link. Join us here.

Last week, we had a few technical issues. Thanks for hanging in there with us anyway. Hopefully this week will go more smoothly. It's a whole lot like parenting. Show up and hang on because you NEVER know what's going to happen! See you soon!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Finding MY own True North: A personal acknowledgment

I've always had a certain level of openness about my life on my blog, in my classes and in my books. I want you all to know that I am a real person with real struggles and challenges. While I have figured out a lot of things, it isn't because life has come easily for me. And that's the way it is for many of you who are reading this post right now.

This past year has been one of the most difficult years of my life.

It has also been one of the most deeply healing. (I'll get to that more later in another post...)

About six years ago when I first really began repairing the ruptures in relationships in my family, I had a question. Could a marriage that wasn't in a good place be fully repaired if one person in the marriage was really dedicated to working on it? And if not, could one dedicated parent use this relationship-focused paradigm alone and have everything work out? I was asking these questions for myself, as well as for my clients who were struggling in their marriages.

In the midst of writing books on raising emotionally healthy families, I realized (again) a glaring truth. The truth was that my marriage still wasn't in a good place after six or seven years of working on it. We weren't benefitting our children with the tension between us. Actively working on our marriage had allowed us to come to understand each other better, yet we realized that we really weren't happy together. And we hadn't been happy together for a long time.

Over a period of months, we talked. We cried. We listened to each other. And finally it became clear that the best path for both of us was to separate. We did so in September, with the words, "I love you and I release you."

Since September, my energy has been going inward for my own healing process and to support my children. Even under what Ryan and I both consider fairly good circumstances, this has been exhausting and overwhelming at times. At the same time, it has also become very clear that this was the absolute right decision for all of us.

No one gets married to one day get a divorce. It was not on my radar until I simply couldn't deny the difficult place my relationship was still in after such a long time. My dedication to my family is still paramount, but Ryan and I have agreed that we can work together to parent much more effectively living in different houses.

So, for me, the answer to my question in my particular set of circumstances is that I cannot parent the way that I want to when I am living in unresolvable conflict with my partner. As much as divorce carries wounds for the children, growing up in an environment where there isn't deep love and respect in the marriage also carries its own wounds. Living apart, Ryan and I are actually able to love and respect each other more than when we were living together.

This has been a year of finding and living my true north. It hasn't been an easy year and it still presents many challenges ahead, but I know that I am living my truth. While it isn't the truth that I'd hoped and planned for, it is mine and I am grateful.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Finding YOUR own True North

I was talking to a friend about my first radio show topic, Finding Your Own True North. "How did you find your true north?" I asked. He said, "That's easy. Something tragic happens, you emerge from the fog, eventually, and suddenly everything is more clear and you know what's important and what's not." He had lost his wife suddenly a couple of years before. That kind of loss, I've seen from my clients, brings clarity when someone finds their way through to living life again.

For many of us, our parenting journey becomes a catalyst for discovering who we really are and what is important to us. My guest, Christy Farr, shared how a miscarriage at 12 weeks was the beginning of her empowerment: knowing what was important to her and then being able to take action. For me, it was choosing a midwife instead of an obstetrician when I took my first steps toward what was really true for me.

But outside of those big wake-up calls some of us have experienced directly or indirectly, how do we find our way? How do we know which decisions are right for us and our family and which decisions are not a good fit? How do we find our own True North?

True North is a directional term from the days when we used compasses to find our way. Turns out there is a difference between True North and North on a compass. A compass points to magnetic north and that changes over time. True North doesn't change, but can be harder to find. I read pages of ways to find True North if you're camping and without a compass. It reminded me a bit of those horrible math problems we all had to solve about trains traveling different directions at different speeds that just made my head spin. Some of the examples for finding True North included putting a stick in the ground, marking certain angles, standing on your head, waiting 15 minutes... And so it is with parenting and finding your own True North. Sometimes I think it is most helpful if you do some headstands and twirl around a bit to really get oriented in parenting.

In life's journey and on our journey as parents, which can be harrowing or hilly, when we know where our True North is, things are somewhat easier or at least it feels better than when we don't know our True North or are ignoring it. When we know what is important to us and we're able to voice what is important, we can more easily navigate on our day-to-day journey. But how do we know what to do?

Join me today for my very first Blogtalk Radio show where I explored this very topic with my friend and colleague, Christy Farr! You can listen to the archived version here. Show airs Wednesdays at 1pm EST (NY). You can even call in with your questions or post them in the comments section and I'll try to answer them. On the page, there is even a spot for you to chat with me and ask questions without having to pick up your phone.

So have you found your own True North? Did it take a big event in your life to make things clear or did you find your own way one small step at a time? Or maybe both? I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to add your thoughts to the comment section below.

Thanks for joining me on my latest adventure!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

New Radio Show!! True North Parents Wednesdays at 1pm EST


I've been talking about having my own radio show now for about 2 years. The time seems right and the star have aligned. And guess what?! It starts THIS week!

I'll be learning to ride the bicycle as I build the bicycle, so bear with me and my learning curve. But this is going to be good fun!

I'm going to be talking about all the topics that I struggled with as a parent (and things I'm still trying to navigate) and the things that I always wanted to sit around with my parent friends and have a good discussion about. I'll be talking about those topics I see many parents struggle with. I'll be sharing my personal stories and stories from parents who have worked their way through (and maybe some parents who are still trying to find their way...). This show is meant to be interactive and you're invited to call in to join me, share your stories, and ask your questions. Shows will be recorded and archived, so you can always listen to them later.

My show will be live Wednesdays at 1pm Eastern time (NY time). Follow this link to "follow" me on Blogtalk Radio. This is also where you'll go to listen to the show.

The first show will be THIS Wednesday, February 18 at 1pm NY time. I'll be talking about finding YOUR own authentic path and some ideas for navigating all the parenting information out there. The show will be 30 minutes long, which sounds just about right.

I hope you'll join me!

Coming up in the next few weeks on True North Parents Radio:
Wed, Feb 27- Road Blocks to True North: How we get stuck and what to do about it
Wed, March 6- Mommy Guilt: Releasing Yourself so your family can Thrive!
Wed, March 13- What is an Emotionally Healthy Family anyway? Can we get there from here?

Let me know if there is something specific you'd like to talk about, someone you'd like me to interview, or suggestions for the show please post in the comments section below. I'm working on my schedule for March and April now. Join me!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Calming the Chaos workshop Fort Lauderdale, FL March 2, 2013

I'm delighted to announce that I'll be doing a workshop for families in the Fort Lauderdale, FL area!

Calming the Chaos: Creating Connection in Early Parenting will be held at Your Big Picture Cafe in Davie, FL on 
Saturday, March 2, 2013 from 1-4pm
Space is extremely limited for this venue, so please sign up asap to reserve your seat. Sign up here.


We'll be focusing on the first three years of parenting (although those with older children can still benefit from the information shared), including common mistakes and misconceptions and what you NEED to know to raise an emotionally healthy family! 

We'll be taking a closer look at "high need" children and how to support both yourself and your child. I have some great tools to share with you that you can take home and start using the day of the workshop that can provide relief and understanding of yourself and your child. 

One of the coolest things I use in my practice is Intuitive Kinesiology. I'll be talking about how I use Intuitive Kinesiology with my families to quickly find the central issues that are going on so they can be released. I'll share how I use this to more fully understand what is going on with a child, especially with those who are non-verbal or can't express what is going on. Fascinating!

We'll also be exploring the importance of connection with your partner and what you can do amidst all the changes in early parenting to stay connected. And last, but not least, we'll be discussing the critical importance of self-care and how to actually do it.

This will be an interactive workshop. It will also be recorded if you are unable to attend in person or would like to get the presentation to share with your partner.

Sign up here to join us! Want to have your partner join you? Use this link for your partner after you register. With a primary registration, your partner is just $15!

Interested in the audio? You can find that here. This will be an mp3 download available after the event.