Creating a Family Life that Works for YOU!

Last week, I was kind of stressed out. OK, I was more than a little stressed. Our family wasn't working well- not the way I wanted it to, anyway. My work time was getting squished, bedtimes were getting later and later, I wasn't getting enough sleep... (maybe you've had a similar experience??)

 

I wasn't happy. I was getting short with my kids because I was frustrated. My to-do list was long, but so was the time it was taking to get out the door to school in the morning. My nights and my work time were short. And every delay for bedtime was driving me up the wall! I didn't have the patience. My needs weren't being met.

 

In the past, I might have just started yelling. I might have resorted to consequences. I might have wanted my child to feel the same discomfort I was experiencing. It probably wouldn't have been pretty.

 

But I've been doing this consciously parenting thing for a while. Not perfectly. But I know that I handle things much better than I used to most of the time. I know that things go better when I find a way to connect before I make a request or correct my sons. I know that if I can respect their needs and mine, too, that things go much better for everyone. I also know that the moment when I'm upset about something isn't the moment to try to have a logical conversation with my boys (or really anyone else, for that matter).

 

My 10 year-old and I had a conversation and worked out a solution that met my needs and also met his. He was able to hear what was going on for me and my frustrations (we've been doing this for a while) and I was able to hear what he needed, too.

 

The next day after a dramatically easier bedtime and a great morning send-off to school, I was sitting in my office chair smiling. I had somehow managed to meet my needs without disrespecting my son's needs. And now I could do the work I really needed to do. Beautiful.

 

I found myself thinking about all the parents who have felt like me- when things aren't working in a way that feels good to you. And when it doesn't feel good to you, it doesn't feel good to your family, either. And that means it isn't working for them, either. If you're like me and you're wanting to parent consciously and peacefully with respect, that can be really challenging if you don't have the tools to do so. I know I didn't have them for many years and felt so frustrated!

 

Last week, I had a mom contact me because her 4 year-old daughter was hitting her. This was clearly not working for mom! Mom didn't want to react negatively, so she was just trying to ignore the behavior until she figured out what to do. She would rather do nothing than something that was going to be really disrespectful (like hitting her or yelling at her).

 

I'm guessing that you probably have felt this way about something in your parenting life. What is it? I want to talk about these things with you and other parents around the globe who are striving to parent consciously, but aren't sure how to get to a place of balance in the family in respectful ways.

 

So you're invited to my upcoming webinar / call: Creating a Family Life that Works for YOU. I'm going to be answering YOUR questions.

 

Would you like to join us? Sign up here.

 

The call will be held on Thursday, May 22, 2014 at 8pm eastern. Please sign up even if you can't attend live. We'll be recording this call and will send out a recording once the call is over (and all the technical miracles have happened to put it on a page where you can listen to it... magic, I tell you...).

 

What are your biggest challenges getting in the way of creating a family life that works for you? And for your family? I had an image of the way I wanted things to be in my family and then I had the way things actually were... and I wasn't sure how to get there from where I was. It didn't happen overnight, but I found the baby steps I needed to take to begin to move in the direction I wanted to go. Baby step after baby step. Steps backwards and sideways, but I finally realized that I was just dancing and there was nothing actually wrong.

 

Come join us as we explore ways you can begin to make your own baby steps from wherever you are right now.

 

Sign up here to join us

 

Looking forward to hearing what's going on for you and having you be a part of our call!

Warmly,

Rebecca

 

Healing on Mother's Day

Mother’s Day 2014

There is so much of each person’s story that comes up on Mother’s Day. As I scrolled through my Facebook feed today, I was really struck by the glimpses of my friends’ stories about their mothers and mother figures in their lives. From the charming pictures of my friends with their own children to the heartbreak of my friend whose mother is under hospice care and hasn’t woken up today (but has been very peacefully sleeping with loved ones nearby), it is clear that mothers and mothering strikes a deep chord for nearly everyone I know.

Me and my boys last summer

Some highlighted their own mothers, living or no longer with them, with loving tributes along with touching pictures. Others focused on their own journey as a mother, sharing pictures with their own children now or when their children were small.  Some shared multigenerational pictures with their own mother and their children together. (Those were so fun for me to see the familial resemblance and so many mothers who look like their mothers!)

This day means something different for everyone and we can really touch upon our own story of being a mother (if we are one), having a mother (which we all have, some of us having many mothers and mother figures in our lives), or our mothering losses (including needs unmet, the loss of children, being unable to conceive, the loss of our mother, disconnections in our relationship with our mother past or present). The events and circumstances in our lives that we are not complete with around our mother and mothering are bound to show up on this day for us.

Regardless of what story may be showing up for us today, what is most important for us is to nurture ourselves. I believe more than anything that this is a perfect opportunity for us to ask ourselves what we need and then ask others for support in meeting those needs. If you are sad and grieving losses today, ask for space or for connection. If it feels true to you, spend time writing your story, to share or not share, but write it for yourself. Maybe you find yourself feeling angry for your mothering losses. Create space for that and write or share with a friend or loved one. Perhaps you feel overjoyed and grateful for the love you’ve been given and the connection you share with your children. Share that, too. Write it down. Remember and cherish these moments.

Whatever you’re feeling is more than OK. It is necessary and will point you toward the direction of your own wholeness.

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to work with a family with a child who had been adopted shortly after birth. This particular year, instead of being happy on Mother’s Day, Sarah was sad. Sarah’s parents, who were quite aware of their daughter, didn’t take it offensively, but were curious about why she was feeling sad on this particular day. At 8 years old, Sarah was able to articulate that she was thinking about her birth mother and wondered if her birth mother was alone on this day. Sarah had a family and a mother, but there was someone else who was on her heart. Her mother realized this was an opening to help her daughter to heal a bit more of her own story. She listened to her daughter share what was on her heart then together they decided to light a candle to remember her birth mother on this special day. A lightness came back into her daughter as they lit the candle together. Mother and daughter were able to celebrate the day with a renewed appreciation for each other.

Tips for Mother’s Day Healing

-Whatever you are feeling today is right and perfect.

-Those feelings will point you in the direction of healing parts of your story that need a little love balm. This is true of you, your partner, and your kiddos.

-Make space for those feelings by writing or sharing with someone else who can just listen to what you need to say.

-Find a way to let it go. Here are some ideas to help you:

Release it by writing words on a balloon or a sky lantern (I like these best because they are      100% biodegradable) and watch them sail away into the sky.

Write words on paper and tear them up or burn them (safely, of course).

Sky lantern

Light a candle to remember someone.

Say a prayer.

Meditate.

Go for a walk and allow the energy to move through your body.

Take a nap.

Sing.

Create something.

Tell stories with your loved ones.

Do what calls to you to help you move through the energy around this day. Listen to your own internal guidance. You know what you need to do.

Wishing you many blessings today and always.

Warmly,

Rebecca

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends! If you'd like more, make sure you sign up for our newsletter here. We have so much great stuff coming up this year and I don't want you to miss it!