30 Day Challenge: Shifting Expectations

I must confess that when I started September with a focus on taking good care of myself, I was secretly hoping that this month would good.  Fun, even.  Sure, I'd have days that were challenging for me, but going at a slower pace and nurturing myself would really help to off-set the yuck I'd encountered in the past.  I know that I've really needed to nurture myself and I was hoping that if I would just take the time to acknowledge what this month is really like for me, all would be swell.

Reality check.

I had days where I felt totally lost.  Times when I just wanted to sit and cry (and sometimes did).  Moments where I just wanted someone to be with me so that I could tell my story.  Again.  For the millionth time.  Days where I didn't seem to remember what day it was.  Days where I had such high hopes for what I would accomplish with my business when the reality was that all I had really accomplished that day was that I cleaned the front room.  And I don't love cleaning.  But it was easier than trying to focus on words.  Easier than trying to focus on putting together a newsletter.  Or responding to emails.  Or trying to figure out my schedule for the week.

Funny- I've always really prided myself on being fairly balanced between my right brain (creative, intuitive, emotional) and my left brain (analytical, linear- after all, my father is an engineer).  But toward the end of September, I realize that I was living in my right brain.

In the past, I probably would have worked hard to get out of this place.  To "move on" and "get over it," but I suspect there is a reason this happens and a lesson here that still needs to be learned.  So I'm working to allow it.  I'm working to shift my expectations for myself.  And to be gentle with myself.

After my baby Jacob died, my expectation was that I would have a time of mourning and so would the other members of my family.  I expected that Zack, who was almost 4 at the time, would have an adjustment time and would need to talk about what had happened.  But after a few months, at the most, we would be moving on and it would be behind us.  I didn't expect that years later, we would still be trying to move through it.  I didn't fully understand that Zack's grief wasn't going to come out in words, but through his behaviors.  And I didn't understand his behaviors at the time.  I didn't know what he was trying to say to me.

Eventually my expectations shifted.  I needed him to be where he was.  It was only when I slowed down to meet him where he was that we found connection again.  And I realize that, in 2010, I need to allow myself to be where I am.  This is how I can connect with myself again, too.  This doesn't mean that I cannot hold the vision of a future of connection and wholeness, but I must first acknowledge where I actually am in this moment.

So even though September wasn't what I expected- a joyful celebration of taking good care of myself and all would be well- it is just what I needed it to be.  I've enjoyed the slower pace and I've learned a lot about what I really need every day to be happy and healthy.

I think we all have Septembers in our lives- you know, those times when we just want it all to be fine, to "move on" or just "get over it."  But when our feelings doesn't match our expectations, we're disappointed or frustrated with ourselves.  Or our children.  We spend a great deal of time and effort trying to just keep moving forward, when what we really need is to just be where we are.  To slow down or stop.  To have another cup of tea.  To get together with a friend.  To talk about what is really going on with us right now.  Even if it is uncomfortable.  Even if it isn't fun.  We won't be there forever.  Eventually, it will be October.

30 Day Challenge: Day 15- Half way mark!

Today is September 15 and that means that September is half over.  How have you done nurturing yourself every day for the first 15 days of the month?  I'm feeling like nurturing myself is becoming more of a habit and I find that I am not needing to think about it as much as I did on days 1-7.  I have enjoyed reading a book while I ate my breakfast (which I never do!), I've been going outside for a walk every morning before it gets too hot, and I've been decluttering my home and letting go of those things and situations that I no longer need in my life.  I'm even thinking about going to see a movie (Eat, Pray, Love) during the day while my family is at school.  Someone I know mentioned doing that yesterday and she was just beaming.  I've already seen the movie (and so had she), but it was something I hadn't even considered doing.  Happy to add that to my list!

I have to confess that this has been the best September that I remember (so far).  I've been much more aware of what nurtures me and what doesn't.  I've also taken the work of Ray Castellino and Mary Jackson and applied it to my life.  They teach slowing down, taking pauses.  When I went to California at the end of June to work with them on a project (watch for our upcoming series on Infant and Toddler Sleep later this month, which is about WAY more than just sleep!), they worked in a way that was very respectful of their own needs.  We took breaks to snack, nap, to go outside to walk, to sing, to just be.  I usually just work and work and work until I'm exhausted, so this was really different for me.  It felt really good.

This month, I'm striving to apply that to my own work life.  I get up in the morning and get my family off to work and school (together to a great school, which I love).  Then I go outside for a walk while it is still cool.  I come back and make myself breakfast, then clean up something in the house (today I tackled the laundry couch).  Then I shower and change before coming into my office to work.  I take breaks for snacks and food as necessary, or just to play with my kitten.  It feels really great to go at a pace that respects my body.  I'm getting a LOT done- way more than I thought I would if I was taking all those breaks!

Try it for yourself and see what happens.  What would happen if you allowed yourself to slow down and to take pauses to take care of yourself throughout the day instead of waiting until you HAD to take a break?  Try it and let me know.  I'd love to hear from you!

30 Day Challenge, Day 5: Balancing family and own needs for nurturing

Today is the 5th day that I'm focusing on nurturing myself specifically and intentionally.  It isn't that I don't do things that are nurturing for myself on a regular basis.  It is just that I haven't focused specifically on it, knowing that this is my goal for the next 25 days every day.  That does feel a little daunting, especially when I think about the schedule changes coming right up.

My kids start school on Tuesday and we'll be starting back into our school routine.  I'm guessing it is going to be more challenging once we add in making lunches and coordinating schedules, and driving far, far away.  I'd love to hear how you all manage to find the time to nurture yourself when life is in full swing.  Summer schedule is one thing.  The rest of the year is another thing entirely.  When do you squeeze it in?  Do you get up early?  Stay up late?  Wait until your kids are in school?  Sleeping? 

Today, we're heading over to some friends to let the kids swim while the adults talk.  I may even do some knitting while I'm there!  What a great way to nurture myself on this long weekend!  What do you have planned?

A comforting ritual

This past week, I had a friend visit from Australia.  On the first day, she asked about making some tea.  I have a teapot that I occasionally use, so I dusted it off, dug out my tea cups, and found my tea bags for her to use.  Every day, several times a day while she was visiting, she would go into the kitchen and make some tea, always offering to make me or my boys some tea as well.  So, I started joining in on her ritual.  Each morning before breakfast, in the afternoon, and before bed, she would go through this ritual.  I thought it was a wonderful way to nurture oneself and just take a few moments to pause in the day.  As Americans, we are constantly on the move and rarely do we stop to indulge in taking time like this on a regular basis.  I know that this is not something I had really ever seen anyone do on a regularly like this and I soon found myself looking forward to this time.

The week ended and she went on with her journey.  And I found myself thinking about tea.  But mostly about taking that time for me that goes along with having that cup of tea.  This evening I went into the kitchen, found the teapot and all that goes with it and took some time for myself.  Such a simple thing, but such a powerful message to myself.  I have value and I'm worth taking that time for me.  

Do you have any rituals that bring you comfort like this?  Do you have a cup of tea, or do something else on a regular basis to nurture yourself?  To slow down and just breathe in the moment?  I'd love to hear how others are nurturing themselves through rituals.  Did your parents or grandparents have anything like this that they passed along to you?

I'm off now to drink my tea.  Cheers!

Rebecca