"Christmas Vacation" meets "It's a Wonderful Life" or How Christmas Didn't Crash and Burn

Happy New Year!

What's on your heart and mind as the new year begins?

Were your holidays peaceful and loving? Or a chaotic? Or full of family drama? I'd love to hear!

Did you ever see the movie Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase? There are several scenes where Chevy is very frustrated and upset. He kicks and beats up plastic reindeer from his front yard. He cuts down a tree from his front yard with a chain saw to replace the one burned down by his elderly relative.

Mine wasn't quite that bad, but I was worried for a while. Christmas Eve was so much like my own childhood Christmases, which were a bit like Christmas Vacation. Chaos. Emotional spewings. Blah. This year, things fell apart all over a present my youngest son got from his dad, a boat that he could play with in our pool. It was a hobby remote control speed boat, which apparently had some problems. First minute in the water and it lost a propeller. All the tiny little pieces fell to the bottom of the pool. The pieces were too small to see or to pick up with the net, so my 11 year old had to go into the cold pool and find the tiny pieces in the dark. He insisted. (I suggested a level head, daylight, and some sleep might help, but he didn't like that idea.)

An hour later, he finally found all the pieces and put the boat back together. My older son drove the boat to have a turn and it broke before it made it across the pool once. This is when the screaming started. Everything went downhill from here. No one handled it well. This is the part that reminded me of plastic reindeer flying through the air.

The thing that was so hard for me about this is that I grew up with chaos like this from my two younger brothers. Christmas was like this a lot. And I've worked really hard to have our holidays be very different. I was surrounded by friends and my partner who were there to help support my boys and me. That made all the difference. And our holiday wasn't ruined. In fact, when everyone did calm down, we were all able to reconnect. And Christmas Day was really great. It was a bit more like the ending of, "It's a Wonderful Life." That was a first for me.

Parenting consciously doesn't mean that everything is perfect all the time or that we always handle everything perfectly the first time. It's about recognizing when things are going down an undesired path, reconnecting with yourself and others who can support you so you can reconnect with your kids.

In the past, this would have ruined not only my day, but also my week. Instead, it helped me to see how far I've really come.

---

Would you like to learn more? 

• Ready to get unstuck? Join me in my free webinar Wednesday, January 7. Register here. It's free.
• Download my free 3 Keys to Creating More Connection in Your Family here.

• Or join my upcoming Peace in the New Year e-course here. 

When You're Feeling Disconnected From Your Child- 4 things you can do today to help

Hello! This post has moved to our website. 

You can find it here: http://consciouslyparenting.com/4-things-when-disconnected/

See you there!

Keeping it together... when we're angry or depressed... for the kids

Hello! This post has moved to our website. 

You can find it here: http://consciouslyparenting.com/keeping-it-together/

See you there!

On the day of candy

Hello! This post has moved to our website. 

You can find it here: http://consciouslyparenting.com/on-the-day-of-candy/

See you there!

"I'm here to bring hope," said my 10 year-old

I spent the weekend thinking deeply about my life’s purpose, immersed in Oprah’s Live the Life You Want weekend in Miami. I came home and was sharing some of my experiences with a friend on the phone when I noticed my son was listening intently. He’ll be 11 next month and has always been a deep and sensitive soul, especially with me.  

I was sharing that Oprah began with the words, “Why are you here? What are you here to do in this life?”

My son looked into my eyes and said, “I know why I’m here.”

I stopped my conversation. That’s the kind of thing that completely gets your full attention as a parent.  I paused and said, “You do? Tell me why you are here.”

“I’m here to bring hope.”

 My heart swelled. What a statement for anyone, let alone a 10 year-old. I waited and he continued.

“When Jacob died, you needed hope. And when I was born, I gave you hope. So I know I’m here to bring hope.”

He was right.  He was conceived 5 months after my baby, Jacob, had died from a fatal birth defect. I was ready to try again and I felt confident that things would be ok this time around, yet I was still grieving. My whole world was shaken to the core. I didn’t know how anyone could really recover from such a loss. I felt like there would always be a giant gaping hole in my heart that would never be better. I continued to do my own work before and during (and well after) the pregnancy with him, but he certainly grew in the sadness I was experiencing, along with the waves of fear that things might not be all right.

We’ve talked about his birth. We’ve talked about the baby brother he never knew who came before him.  We’ve talked about how much I wanted to have him and how loved he was and always will be. But I had forgotten the story I had told him about hope. But he hadn’t.

I believe it was Oprah this weekend who said, “Hope is the simple belief that things can change. Despair is that tomorrow will be another version of today.”

I needed things to change. I needed to believe my body could have a healthy baby. I needed to know in my heart that I wouldn’t always be shrouded in a cloud of grief. I needed to see the beauty in every day moments. Honestly, it would have been easy to just have thrown my hands up in the air, curled into a ball and never look up again- except that I had another child already, a little boy who was 3 1/2 who needed me. And so I got up and made breakfast instead of staying in bed on those cold Indiana winter days while it rained or snowed or was just dark and grey outside. And, true to my nature, I searched for answers so that tomorrow wouldn’t be the same as today.

These moments always contain choices. We can be defined by the sadness of the story or the hope. We can allow something that happens to us to be the reason we stop trying or the reason why we must propel ourselves forward. Every situation, no matter how dire it seems, contains the opportunity for defining ourselves and our path forward. And we have the opportunity with our children to help them define their own stories as a hero’s journey, no matter what happened by the stories we tell to them.

We can rewrite those stories so that we are the hero. We can rewrite those stories so that they define us in ways that help us to grow. And we can begin doing that today.

I’m here to bring you hope. Hope for you. Hope for your family. 

"Because it is always darkest before the dawn and the sun always rises." Oprah

Sunrise pictures courtesy from my Facebook friends. Thanks all!

Sunrise in Satellite Beach, FL, courtesy Kim Bannister

Sunrise over Albuquerque, NM, courtesy of Deborah Barkoff

Sunrise in Clearwater (entitled, When You Wake Up on Red!) courtesy of Susan Stroemel Graham

Sunrise in NY from a bus, courtesy Clare Uppenbrink

Sunrise Satellite Beach, FL, courtesy of Kim Bannister

Sunrise Punta Gorda, FL, courtesy of Cecilia Wilhelm

South Nevada in August, courtesy Teresa Lewis Lass

Want to connect more with me:

Phone, Skype or in-person sessions in Palm Harbor, FL (email me at rebecca @ consciouslyparenting (dot) com without spaces and putting a period for the dot to make it a real email address.

You can also join my new Academy, where you can find relationship-focused ways of solving your biggest parenting and relationship challenges, from couples to conception to teens, as well as those other decisions you need to make consciously for your family like alternative health, conscious living- schooling, minimalism, food, etc., and special circumstances, like loss, divorce, etc. Join us here. 

Consciously Parenting Academy: Real Challenges. Real Relationships. Real Solutions with Heart.

Affordable Classes for Parents 24/7 from the Comfort of Home

Feeling isolated? We can help!

“I’m the only one I know who is parenting this way,” she said on the phone from Boston. “Parents are really conservative here and it is hard to find any alternative community.” The same day, a mom in Perth, Western Australia said, “I feel really isolated here. We don’t know many other families and those we do know don’t really understand what we’re doing and why.” It happened again the following day talking to a mom in rural Georgia. And then a mom in Kentucky. This summer, I held a mini-retreat for families in my home and I had a group of dads in a circle talking about dad stuff. Guess what they talked about? Not having anyone to have these real conversations with. Whoa. I was paying attention. How could it be that all these parents who were talking about similar things regarding their parenting all felt exactly the same way despite living in very different places? What could we do to help us all feel less isolated? My solution was to create an online community where parents could meet each other, support each other, and learn together. I would love for you to be a part of this community!! Join us if… You’re looking for a place to connect with other like-minded parents no matter where you live in the world. You need something you can access on your own time without having to put anyone in the car. You love Consciously Parenting’s cutting edge, yet practical resources. You need some extra support, but one-on-one sessions are out of your budget. The idea here is that there is strength in numbers (kind of like a Groupon for parenting!). When we have a large group supporting the financial cost of what I’m offering, I can lower the price and still be compensated for my work. I’m offering a special deal for Consciously Parenting’s Membership Community, aka I Heart Parenting. This is the last time I’ll be offering the community membership at this price(and if you get it now, you’re grandfathered in at the lower price for as long as you’re a part of this community). If you had one 60-minute session with me per month, it would be over $1000. With all the other bonuses, you're easily getting $300-500 per month of valued content and support.  For just $97, you get : -a full year of community and support, including support calls with Rebecca  -a secret Facebook group (shhhh),  -monthly calls to ask your questions,  -special topic calls, and the Consciously Parenting Academy, which launches this weekend.  The Academy includes an all access pass to many of the resources here at Consciously Parenting including: Couples Early Parenting Emotions and Behavior Conscious Living Alternative Health Special Circumstances (death, divorce, trauma, and more).  We have many collaborators who will be adding content weekly, including short videos and other written content. You’ll be able to join just the Academy tomorrow, but today you’ll also get the community bonuses for less than the cost of the Academy alone. It’s a steal! (This is pretty crazy to be offering this for such a low price. But I want so much to support you in a cost effective way that as part of my 7th Anniversary specials and in honor of my angel, Jacob, I'd like to offer this special.) You can learn more and join here: http://www.iheartparenting.com/become-a-member/ Join my community now! I really hope you'll join us! All specials for our 7th Anniversary end on Sunday, September 28. Thank you for being a part of The Consciously Parenting Project. I'm so glad you're here! Warmly, Rebecca Thompson, MS, MFT Founder and Executive Director of The Consciously Parenting Project P.S. If you know anyone else who would enjoy the community and support of this great deal, please share! You know, that whole GROUPon thing. :-) P.S.S. I'm behind on responding to my emails, but I am still scheduling the free 30 minute sessions. If you've emailed me, I'll be getting back to you soon!

A Gift for YOU as Consciously Parenting Celebrates 7 Years

The Consciously Parenting Project began 7 years ago today.

Consciously Parenting was founded in loving memory of my son, Jacob, who came into the world at 10am on this date 12 years ago and passed away at noon the same day, leaving my world forever changed. Jacob was born with a birth defect incompatible with life. He was born at home by choice and spent his entire life held by those who loved him.

The struggle that followed his death far exceeded my ability to cope, though I really didn’t see that at the time. (I don’t really give up. I’m kind of stubborn when it comes to things like this…) Things went from bad to worse as my son, in his 4 year-old way, tried to bring it to my attention that I really wasn’t present with him anymore. But 4 year-olds don’t tell you nicely. They express their own struggle and hope you pick up on it.

But I didn’t. Not for a long time. I thought he was the problem.

If he would just listen to me, we would be fine. If he would just be a little more calm and patient, things would feel better for all of us.

I didn’t see his fear. I didn’t see that he just needed me to love him and comfort him. I saw no connection between his brother’s death and his current behavior. And I saw no connection between Jacob’s death and my current behavior, which I thought was ok. (ish)

Once I finally figured out that Jacob’s death had spiraled us all (after about 4 years of struggle), I had uncovered some pretty big Truths that needed to be shared. 

I knew this information could completely transform families as it had mine.

My dear friend, Lianne March, web master extraordinaire, held my hand and helped me put together the first version of Consciously Parenting. We launched on September 21, 2007 with the mission of educating families and helping them find hope and support to connect deeply with one another.

I’ve continued to have my own struggles and (luckily) I’ve continued to learn. Now I have developed a vast library of resources on a wide variety of topics, including some incredible interviews with my colleagues, classes, and lots of writing to help guide your journey out of chaos and into connection.

Thank you for being a part of The Consciously Parenting Project. Whether you just found us or you’ve been with us since 2007 when we began, thank you. Without you, we wouldn’t be here. Without your powerful stories of transformation in your families, I might forget how important this work really is for all of us. We really do need each other. I believe that’s what a community is all about.

As a thank you, this week, I’m offering free 30-minute phone or Skype consultations. Sign up this week for a time between now and middle of October by sending me an email. (rebecca @ consciouslyparenting (dot) com without the spaces and replace (dot) with .)

It is my way of saying thank you.

I’d like to hear your story. And I’d like to see what I can do to help your family feel better- more peaceful, more joyful, more connected.

Just title your email "Free 30 min session" and we’ll find a time.

This week, I’m going to be sending out some special offers to my newsletter list. You may not know how many great things we have going on here at The Consciously Parenting Project, so please allow me to share. Make sure you're signed up for my newsletter list to see all the great stuff going on this week! You can sign up below. (You can also sign up and then hit reply to the email welcoming you after you opt in and that goes straight to my inbox.)

Thank you again for being here.

Now you know why I am here. Email me and share with me what brought you here and what you're seeking. Or post in the comments. I'd love to hear.

Warmly,
Rebecca