Drawing Circles

"He drew a circle that shut me out,
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had wit to win.
We drew a circle that took him in."

I sang a song in church this past Sunday called Circle. I'd never heard it before it was given to me, but I fell in love with it the moment I set my eyes on it. "And this circle goes on and on, it was there before us it will be here when we're gone. And this circle goes on and on and on... connecting our humanity, joining me to you and you to me." It was a great reminder of how connected we all really are- how it does matter when something is going on with one member of our family because it does affect us all.

During the service, my minister shared the poem above and it really struck me. We are constantly drawing circles around ourselves and our children. Are they on the "right" side of the circle? Who is drawing the lines in the sand? Are we on the same team or are we working against one another? What a powerful realization in my own family life it was to realize that I was drawing circles that didn't include my precious children in the name of "teaching" them what they were supposed to learn. I didn't even know I was doing it.

My children's behaviors sometimes feel like personal attacks- like they are drawing a circle around themselves. "See," I reason with myself, "They don't want to be close or connected or they wouldn't act like that. He deserves to be on his own then." I would say to myself. But thankfully- eventually- I was able to see that it was I who was holding the chalk and drawing the circle, and that I had the power to draw a new circle that included him.

Where are you drawing your circles? What would happen if you drew a circle that included someone you're having a challenge with? Not always easy, but it changes lives.
How do we draw a new circle? With our parenting choices! Here are a few suggestions:

-Use time-in instead of time-out when someone is having a hard time

-Go out of your way to show an interest in something your child is interested in

-Spend time with your child "just because" and watch their eyes light up

-Give your child some extra eye-contact and see how they respond (watch your child's response- some children find this too difficult at first)

-Take a deep breath and PAUSE (Pause Before Acting- PBA)

-Go back and apologize when we don't do it the way we know they deserve to be treated!
You're not going to do everything perfectly, so give yourself some grace. It takes time and effort to draw new circles. And remember that there are thousands of families around the world who are on the same path, so you are not alone!

If you'd like some individual family support, our team can support you in making the shift! Let us know how we can help you!

Warmly,
Rebecca

"Please stay, mom."

Things have been so busy the past few weeks.  I'm just amazed that it is already nearly June and school is going to be out for the year!  This has been a precious year for my two boys- Josh has been in a half day Kindergarten program at our local Waldorf school where he has been playing and learning in other ways.  He hasn't learned to read and I'm happy about that.  He has learned to jump rope, cross the monkey bars forward and backward, climb trees, set the table, and retell a story.  His vocabulary has expanded and his love of school is palpable.  My older son moved to the school in October.  It was a more challenging transition for him, but he has really blossomed in this class.  He has found his artistic side and really enjoys all of the outside playtime they get.  He has taken more responsibility for himself and his projects.  I'm very proud of both of them!

This weekend was a big deal at our house.  My husband took both the boys camping with the Cub Scouts and both of my boys have "crossed over" to a new status in scouts.  My older son became a Boy Scout yesterday, after earning his Arrow of Light.  And Josh, who will be in first grade next year, crossed over into Cub Scouts as a Tiger.  I came to watch the ceremony after I spent the morning doing a workshop, so I hadn't seen them since the previous afternoon. 

Pride welled up as I watched my boys both take their steps across the bridge.  How did this all happen?  How did they both get so big?  How is it possible that my babies are, well, no longer babies?  It has been quite a journey for us and I really feel like I was graduating, too.  This is a new phase of life.

The park was closing at 8PM, so I was planning to leave before that happened.  I bent over to each of my boys to let them know that I was heading out.  I wasn't planning to spend the night and thought I should go before I was locked in!  My 6 year old kissed me goodbye and skipped off to play.  My 11 year old stopped me and said, "Don't go.  Please stay, mom."

I thought about the gate and the long list of things I still needed to get done that night, including some time to just spend by myself relaxing after my day of working.  I was really looking forward to some down time.  But he was asking me to stay.  How long was that going to go on in his life?  How many times in the future was that going to happen?  I can't say, but I just know that it was happening now.  And it was really special. 

I started working on how I would be able to leave the park and asked a little more about how long he wanted me to stay.  I was working it out and feeling good about it.  A few minutes later, he came up and said, "It's OK if you have to go."  I asked if he wanted me to stay and he said, "Yes."  I looked him in the eyes and said, "Zack, if you want me to stay, then there is no other place more important for me to be.  I would love to stay."

I could see him visibly relax.  This is true.  There is nothing more important than being with him now.  Everything else can wait.  And it did.  True, it was more work to leave later.  I had trouble with the locked gate, but even as I worked to figure it out, I was so glad that I had taken the time to just be with him.  There is nothing more important than relationship.  Nothing. 

There will always be a to do list.  There will always be something else that can distract us or take us out of the present moment.  But these times with our children are precious and we can never turn back the hands of time.  Seize the moment and connect.  Let your children know they are as special as they really are through your actions, not just your words. 

The Critical Importance of Community

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Parenting at 36,000 Feet

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Consciously Meal Planning?

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New Class!

I'm excited to announce the birth of my new baby- a class based upon my book that will one day (soon) be finished (I promise!). The 5 week class is called Consciously Repairing Relationships and it is based upon the mismatch between what we think parenting will be like and the reality of parenting. On my own parenting journey, I read inspiring books that left me feeling inept. Why couldn't I parent that way? What was in the way? This class is about what is in the way and how to move through it, into peace and unconditional love for yourself and your children. It talks about the brain science of parenting, so it isn't just based in opinion. But it isn't full of mumbo jumbo, either.

So much of parenting information is about short term compliance. When we focus on that, we might get them to do what we ask when we're looking, but it doesn't help the relationship! And what happens when our backs are turned? When we focus on our relationship, our child's natural desire to please us can surface. This class is about removing the parenting Chinese Handcuffs together. In this process, we'll understanding ourselves and our children in a whole new light and start moving into a peace we often dreamed of, but weren't sure was possible.

These classes are like nothing else out there! Participants don't want the classes to end (and I hate to see parents go, too!) and often find themselves with bonds to friends from all over the world. Classes are based very much upon what is going on with each family, rather than just a lecture. They are more like parenting support classes than just a class you take and soon forget about. Expect to be transformed in ways you didn't think possible! Just remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination, and lasting change takes time and dedication to achieve. But it is possible if you're willing to take the first steps on this journey!

I'm hosting a free demo class next Tuesday, January 5 at 8:30PM Eastern so that you can see what the class is like. This class will be a Webinar, which means that you'll be able to see me on video and see my Power Point presentation. If you don't have access to a computer at that time, you can call in and just listen to the presentation or you can watch the recording later. If you're interested in joining in on the free Webinar, please send an email to Lianne at admin@consciouslyparenting.com and she'll make sure you're on the list to get the information!

We're having a buy one, get one free special for my two classes starting in January- Connection Parenting and Consciously Repairing Relationships. If you love Consciously Parenting classes and have been trying to get a friend to try it out, now is your chance! Or if you've always wanted to try a class, but just hadn't done it yet, now is a great time. You can split the cost with a friend or gift your friend with a free class. But don't miss it! Once this class is full (registration is capped at 7), this deal will be gone.

Here's a link to the course description and the sign up page.

Blessings to each of you for a prosperous and connected New Year!
Rebecca

Chinese Handcuffs

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